How My Mom Taught Me About My Body (and Why It Was Important)

A few weeks ago, I was in a park and overheard two women in their early fifties talking. “I can’t stand my thighs. They are so gross and jiggly. I can’t even let [my husband] touch me most of the time. I feel so ugly,” one of them said.

A week or so later, I was looking up quotes on Pinterest (a treasured form of procrastination) when I stumbled upon one from Kate Winslet:

   “As a child, I never heard one woman say to me, "I love my body". Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend. No one woman has ever said, "I am so proud of my body." So I make sure to say it to Mia [her daughter], because a positive physical outlook has to start at an early age.’

Immediately, I was reminded of the two women in the park, which then led me to reflect on the type of “body dialogue” I heard when I was growing up.

My mother had me when she was 18.

My mom looking like the badass she was/is.

Growing up, I don’t remember ever hearing her talk badly about her body in front of me. In fact, I can't remember her talking about her body at all unless I had questions.

Even though she was silent about her body, she didn't hide it from me. She'd change in front of me in the dressing room or at home and supervise my showers when I was little (to make sure I didn't eat the shampoo), but during all of those times, I never heard her say that she hated her thighs or her waist or any other part of herself. 

The reason this matters is because I think that the women in our lives (mothers, older siblings, grandmothers) help us form our physical outlook, whether positive or negative. 

Take the women in the park as an example. If their kids are used to hearing the same conversation I overheard them having, the kids may, on some level, internalize the dialogue as “my body is shameful" or "I should always strive to make sure I am socially acceptable.” 

  

My mother’s silence about her body allowed me to learn early on that my own body was not something to apologize for or obsess over. Sure, this physical outlook was later challenged by bullshit high school conversations about the importance of the “thigh gap” (a result of MTV and MySpace), but when I entered my home after school each day, these conversations were not echoed by my mom. 

The media is already going to create plenty of negative feelings for a lot of young women. When a person can make their eyes brighter, their skin lighter, and their waist smaller in under 5 minutes using an Instagram filter, it’s bound to cause insecurity for the everyday person scrolling through their feed. This is why it’s imperative that this negativity and shame is not further validated by parents or adult figures. 

I have a 14 year old cousin who is starting high school next month. Already, she spends most of her day on Snapchat and Instagram, and even if she isn't saying it out loud, I know she's starting to cultivate her own ideas about her body in comparison to other girls her age. Knowing this, I do my best to be body positive around her.  Sometimes when we go swimming, I'll think, "man I feel bloated" or "I wish I didn't have cellulite on my thighs", but she never hears about it. Instead, she sees her 28 year old cousin who is not ashamed of her body. 

So whether you're someone who feels comfortable saying, "I am so proud of my body" whenever kids are present, or take more of the silent approach like my mother, by maintaining a positive physical outlook, you are playing a part in shaping a person's individual body image. It may be a small part, but I think it's an important one.